When I was a kid, Papa Lampsen made me work around the house and yard in exchange for an allowance.  I was forced to sock away a portion of that nominal payment into a savings account.  I could carry the rest of it around in my pocket.  If I ran out of money before my next “payday”, I didn’t buy anything.

At some point, Papa Lampsen advised me to go get a job.  I did.  Every two weeks, I’d go to the bank with my measly paycheck.  A percentage of it went into that savings account.  The rest went into my pocket.  If I ran out of money before the next payday, I didn’t buy anything.

Simple.  And it worked.

But now we’re a decade into the 21st Century and the idea of kids using actual cash money is apparently completely unrealistic and/or unsafe.  The 21st Century solution is kiddy plastic.

We have just enough grip on common sense not to give kids a Discover card with a $5,000 limit and to set them loose in the local shopping mall.  Well, most of us do.  Instead, the fine people at Visa offer an alternative that many people apparently find reasonable.  It’s called Visa Buxx.

Basically, it’s a preloaded debit card.  You toss some cash on it and hand it over to the munchkin (ages 13+).  The kid can use the card like a regular Visa until he or she spends all the money deposited into the account.  The parent has control over the account and access to all records via the Internet.  Visa Buxx will tell you when and where your kid is spending money.

Those offering Visa Buxx make it sound like such a great idea.  It’s “just like” a real card, but you can’t screw up your whole life with it.  That doesn’t come until they start signing your little bundle of joy up for the real deal ten minutes after you drop them off at State U.  The parent has control over the account and you can use the tracking information and purchase records to sit down with your child to discuss money management.

I would need to sit in a silent room with a pen and paper for three days to think of anything more unnecessary than Visa Buxx.  The last time I checked, the stores kids “need” to visit take cash.  And it really is just about impossible to spend more cash than you actually have.  Trust me, I’ve tried.  Mama and papa can still have heart-to-hearts about money management without Visa’s handy online user interface.

But it isn’t just the lack of necessity that turns me off.  It’s the fact that there is a very real downside to this handy piece of kiddy plastic.  Consider the following:

The issuers will beat the heck out of you and your kid with fees.  One bank’s version of Visa Buxx is subject to no less than fifteen different fees and charges.  Others aren’t quite as oppressive, but you’re still losing money on the deal.

Visa Buxx appears to be a way of desensitizing young people to making credit purchases.  An interesting New York Times article explains why these parent-approved cards might just be a stepping stone to eventual consumer debt.  And we all know how well that credit card debt thing has been working out for people.

There’s nothing magical about converting presidential portraits into a credit card clone.  Your kids don’t need Visa Buxx to function in society or to learn about how spending works in the real world.  I rarely say this, but I think Papa Lampsen was onto something back when I was a kid.