Yesterday my internet server was down all day, but I actually felt pretty lucky about it, since while I waited for it to come back on. I whiled away the hours watching local news shows that featured brand new houses in Wisconsin sliding into raging flood waters, sink holes swallowing up cars with people in them (two people died near here delivering newspapers Sunday when their car disappeared into a 50-foot sinkhole), and various photos of trees on cars, cars on cars, houses on cars, cars on houses, and so on and so forth.

Right now, 11,500 people in the mid-sized Michigan city where I live are still without electrical power, and the dog and I have had to take refuge in the basement twice in as many days, but finally, as Jack Nicholson said in The Shining, “I’m b-a-a-a-ck!”

I’m waiting for the plagues of locusts that are sure to follow this summer, that is, once the tornadoes and floods get done with us this spring. That would be about right, since the only creatures around here that appreciate this year’s weather are the 21 tomato plants I put in our Victory Garden last week. They’ll make good eatin’ for those locusts alright.

It’ll be just like The Tomatoes of Wrath.

Recession? Oh yes, but the way, we are in a recession. Here’s a quick recap of the major recession issues of the past week, along with pithy commentary on each:

Should the Gas Tax Be Dropped for Temporary Price Relief?

No, God no. First of all, the gas tax is what helps keep our deteriorating roads and bridges from deteriorating even more. Second, the price break would be so tiny as to be gobbled up almost immediately by increasing demand. We would net nothing, and our roads would suffer even more. (Did somebody say, “sinkhole? ” God, what a horrible way to die, delivering Sunday papers and then just getting swallowed up by a the mother of all potholes. Does anyone doubt we are dealing with Divine Wrath here? And you think repealing the gas tax will help?)

Should the Federal Reserve Lower Interest Rates Again?

Lower them to what? A negative number? Look, right now Ben Bernanke, Federal Reserve Chairman, has two public roles: 1) Spin current events in such a way as to minimize panic, and 2) Lead us in prayer. He also has a private role: Print new money to keep some of the biggest financial concerns in the US from going belly up week to week (or even day to day) and thinking of other creative ways to prevent that same negative outcome, if he can. Yesterday Lehman Brothers, after posting a $2.8 billion loss, raised $4 billion and plans to raise $2 billion more, but this is not good news. Moody’s downgraded Lehman Brother’s credit rating yesterday from stable to negative. Its stock has plummeted 60% over the past 12 months. The bank where I work? Started at $5.81 yesterday, down to $4.51 at close. I may soon have more time to write.

Should the US Step Up Ethanol Production?

Sure, if we can make it out of switchgrass and not use any of the land dedicated to food production to do it. Otherwise, no, we have bigger fish to fry than that, and possibly no cornmeal soon to fry them in. At a time when the US really needs a bumper crop of corn and soybeans, both are already suffering badly, and the recent torrential rains in the Midwest will almost certainly wipe out a certain percentage of these crops entirely. It’s too late to replant, and the poor outlook has global consequences that make our gasoline complaints look like very high class worries.

Should We Drill in Alaska, or Off-Shore, or on the Moon?

No, no, and no. What we need is any energy policy. We needed one 20 years ago; still need one. Buy a bicycle, take public transport, work from home, plant a vegetable garden (watch out for the coming locusts though), and hang onto your hats. You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

And yeah, that goes for Toto too.