Clearly, one of these things is true.  Tell me which one it is, please?

1.  The folks running the Big 3 automakers are completely tone deaf with respect to public relations.

2.  The folks running the Big 3 already know that Washington won’t bail them out no matter what happens.

3.  The folks running the Big 3 know that Washington will bail them out no matter what happens.

Based on what we’ve seen from Richard Wagoner, Alan Mulally and Robert Nardelli at Congressional hearings, there’s little doubt that one of those three options is the truth.  There’s no other logical explanation for their failure to generate one iota of compassion on the part of anyone for their fates.

Come Fly With Me…

You’ve probably seen the clips by now.  Detroit’s auto head honchos were quizzed about their travel arrangements for their DC visit.  In one of those cruel, shallow and absolutely hilarious acts of political show-offery, Rep. Brad Sherman took the CEOs to task:

“I’m going to ask the three executives here to raise their hand if they flew here commercial,” he said. All still at the witness table. “Second,” he continued, “I’m going ask you to raise your hand if you’re planning to sell your jet . . . and fly back commercial.” More stillness. “Let the record show no hands went up,” Sherman grandstanded.

Ouch.

Look, there are probably really good reasons why these guys don’t fly coach, right?  Okay, maybe not.  There are reasons, though.  Some are related to travel schedules and job demands.  Some are security related.  I’m not saying the Gang of Three needed to offer a spirited defense of travel by private Gulfstream, but their stone-faced silence certainly didn’t humanize them or help their cause.

Puttin’ on the Ritz…

The review of CEO travel itineraries was preceded by a memorable comment from Rep. Gary Ackerman who managed to superimpose a mental image of a fancy-pants dandy over the faces of Richard Wagoner, Alan Mulally and Robert Nardelli.  M. Ethan Ross recounts Ackerman’s dig and expresses the sentiments of those who undoubtedly nodded in agreement upon hearing it:

“This would be the same, as if someone appeared in a soup kitchen, wearing a tuxedo with a top hat.” This is a great quote, and so true, because it is another example of corporate greed while the name tag wearing employees have to suffer more.

The only way it could’ve been more effective is if he had mentioned a cane and a monocle.  The reaction from the CEOs?  It was a lot like an Iron Eyes Cody stare without the single tear.

We’re not Lee Iacocca…

Those with memories that predate cell phones and satellite dishes smaller than the side of an average house remember when a little company named Chrysler stared into the abyss in the 80s.  Chrysler went to Washington in search of a loan.  The incredibly popular boss at Chrysler, Lee Iacocca, cemented his image as a trustworthy fella and a good credit risk for Uncle Sam by agreeing to take a $1 salary as part of the deal.  He was all about saving jobs, not feathering his own nest.

Apparently, some of the legislators remember those days, too.  That led to a great little discussion with Wagoner, Mulally and Nardelli regarding their willingness to take a buck instead of the tens of millions they’re currently getting to sit at the helm of sinking ships.

The exchange was an awesome example of how to make yourself look like a responsibility-denying, self-interested, handout-demanding fraud.  Mr. Mullaly, for instance, told Rep. Roskam that he’s convinced that his salary is just fine where it is:

Roskam:  OK.  Are you willing to go down to the dollar?
MULALLY:  I think it’s — I understand your point about the symbol and, clearly, the intent of what you are asking.  But I think, not just for me, but we were trying to field a skilled and motivated team, also.  And it’s just so important that, as we do this plan, that we have the team that we need.
So I understand the intent, but I think where we are is OK.
Roskam:  OK.  And just so I’m clear.  I’m in the asking about the team.  I’m just asking about you.
MULALLY:  I understand.
Roskam:  And the answer is no?
MULALLY:  I think I’m OK where I am.

If these guys have business skills on par with their public relations skills, it’s no wonder they’re on their way to a mighty crash.

So, what’s really going on here.  Are these guys tone deaf or do they simply know that these hearings are a dog and pony show that won’t really influence any legislative action?