Although some of us are still suffering through a seemingly endless series of rainstorms, the weather is looking better and cookout season is in full swing.  Since so many of us are going to be doing some outdoor cooking, this seemed like a great time to talk about a few ways to grill up a masterpiece without burning a big wad of cash over an open flame.

We’re not going to discuss whether grilling is really cost-effective relative to cooking indoors.  If you’re interested in one breakdown of that question, I’d look here.

We’re not going to discuss the relative merits, in financial terms, of gas vs. charcoal at great lengths, either.  Gas is cheaper in the long run, more expensive to begin with (the front-end investment tends to be considerably higher).  You can look it up.

No, I’m going to assume that you, like me, have an affinity for meat and that you enjoy cooking it outside when the weather allows because doing so is both one of life’s great joys and because it’s so darned tasty.  If I’m right, and I’m pretty sure I am, you’d probably like to get some of that grilled flavor on the cheap.  Here’s how to do it.

Compromise on meat. I’m a meat lover.  It isn’t easy for me to say that you should ever compromise on your cut.  It’s true, though.  You can save a lot of money by passing by those delicious, thick, well-marbled porterhouses and picking up a few pounds of ground beef for hamburgers.  If you just gotta have a steak (and I know that feeling, trust me), you can always sink your teeth into a cheaper cut.  With some work and a good marinade, you can produce a winning grilled dinner.  Oh, and there are some “compromise cuts” that are actually great on their own terms.  Country style ribs come to mind.

Conserve on fuel. If you’re cooking with gas, don’t fire up the grill an hour before you slap your meat on it.  Some preheating is necesary for proper searing and those cool grill stripes, but you don’t need to overdo it.  Your propane will last longer, thus saving you money, if you take it easy.  If you’re a charcoal buff, there’s no reason to dump that whole bag of Kingsfords into your Weber Kettle if you’re just making a few burgers and dogs.  Heck, you don’t need that much charcoal to make four great medium-rare KC strips.  People use more coal than they need and it only serves to run up their bills.

Grill your non-meat items. Learn how to heat that garlic bread on the grill.  Your vegetables, too.  If you can make it inside, you can make it outside.  And you should.  Your grill is hot either way.  You might as well use it instead of simultaneously wasting electricity or gas by operating your indoor appliances at the same time.

Give your guests a grocery list. Grilling brings people together.  If you’re firing up the grill and having family or friends come over to enjoy the meal, spread the expense.  You can be a gracious host and a wonderful cook even if your neighbor is the one who provided the potato salad and buns.  People don’t mind contributing and you won’t seem like a big jerk for telling your nephew to pick up a bag of wavy potato chips and some French onion dip on his way over for supper.  I swear.

There you have it.  A few tried and true ways to keep your costs down when you’re grilling.  You know you won’t be able to resist the allure of the open flame, so you might as well do it in a way that costs a little less money, right?

(NOTE:  You’ll notice that I used “grill” and its derivatives instead of “bbq,” “barbecue,” or “barbeque”.  There’s a reason for that.  There’s a big difference between the grilling most of us do on a summer Saturday night and what officially qualifies as barbecue in my mind.  When you grow up within a few hours of three of the world’s finest barbecue restaurants, you develop a certain perspective on the issue.)

I was reading an interesting CNN/Money article about the price of religion that detailed the way a strong adherence to one’s faith can run up some hefty bills.  The article, in part, profiled a family of Orthodox Jews who are spending more than most of us can imagine to remain consistent with their religious beliefs.

The article was an eye opener on those turns, but it also made me think about a related issue.  How are churches faring during the recession?  Churches are, in large measure, funded by giving from the congregation and it made sense to me that contributions would probably fall with an economic downturn.  Generally, one might start a look at that issue with a personal perspective, but I’m not much of a churchgoer, so I don’t really have a personal reference point.  So, I started doing a little research instead.  I discovered a few interesting things.

First, churches are having a rougher time, overall.  C. Michael Tillman wrote an essay in a New York newspaper and noted:

Fifty-seven percent of congregations have experienced a drop in contributions, 20 percent have had layoffs, and nearly half have reduced or frozen staff salaries. History shows a “lag effect” for churches in recessions, meaning the worst may be yet to come.

Those are scary numbers.  Lighthouse Christian Ministries in Bakersfield, CA, can vouch for the impact of the downturn, too.  They’re closing up their church and selling the property.  The money just wasn’t there to stay afloat.  When you think about what an economic downturn means in human terms, that isn’t surprising.  A Bakersfield.com article explained:

On Easter Sunday, [Reverend Donald] Vereen echoed the reality of his congregation from the pulpit: “Several people here have lost their house. Several people here have lost their jobs. There are some people here who say, ‘If it wasn’t for prayer, my PG&E bill would have been cut off,’” he said.

Those comments sound a lot like the warning offered by Pastor Keith Drury, who laid out a troubling scenario for churches in the event of a long-term recession.  Among many other potential problems, Drury noted:

We ministers like to pretend that since a depression might prompt revival it might increase our church’s income. We are wrong. If your church has 100 working folk who give a percentage of their income to the church each month and 20% of them get laid off they will tithe their unemployment check, When unemployment runs out and they have no income at all they will tithe their income–but “10% of zero is zero.” Sure, some dedicated Christians will take food out of the mouths of their children to support their church, but most will say, “I’d be worse than an infidel if I didn’t care for my family first.”

Second, there really are exceptions to every rule.  That includes the “recession puts churches at risk” rule, too.  For instance, those big mega-churches like Rick Warren’s jumbo-sized Saddleback congregation, don’t seem to be suffering quite as much as some others.

Only 7% of the big churches feel as though the recession is having a “very negative” impact on them.  Nearly half report that they don’t feel the recession at all in financial terms.

There are also a handful of smaller churches who aren’t seeing decreases in tithing and intensified financial pressures.  The churches around Cedar Falls, Iowa, for instance, seem to be faring well.

So, it looks like a mixed bag in terms of churches and the recession, but with a pretty significant downside for many congregations.  It will be interesting to see if church financial problems become a bigger story as the economy continues to struggle.

I also learned something else interesting while looking into this.  Apparently, Catholic seminarians often get “full ride” scholarships that include room and board.  At least one observer thinks this could lead to more people entering the priesthood.  That’s something in and of itself, but the real juicy tidbit from Anthony Lee, who was primarily writing about the potential impact of the economy on tithing, is that he says people actually go through seminary for the sake of the free education and then pursue their religious vocation for only a few years before walking  away from the priesthood with their Masters Degrees.  And some of them do this intentionally–they have no plans on making a life as a priest.  I had no idea!

We started this one yesterday and now it’s time to wrap it up.  If you’re a smoker and you’re not willing to put nearly two grand per year back in your pocket, the least you can do for yourself is to start saving some money on your smokes.

Last time, we discussed Indian reservations, cheaper brands, coupons and special deals you can find to take a little bit of the sting out of cigarette prices.  If those don’t do the trick for you, maybe these will.

Rolling your own.  You can buy a tin of good cigarette tobacco and plenty of rolling papers for a fraction of what regular premium cigarettes will cost you.  There is a downside.  It can take awhile to get good at rolling cigarettes.  Until you do, you can expect a little waste and some ugly smokes.  Additionally, you’re going to need to learn how to smoke a little differently if you’re used to filtered, packaged cigarettes.  You won’t have a filter and wet lips can ruin a self-rolled smoke.  That absence of a filter can also lead to a slightly harsher tobacco experience.  Still, the savings are amazing.  Plus, you get to look like an old-time cowboy when you roll your own.  That’s worth something, right?

Packing your own.  You buy a tin of tobacco, but instead of making the guy at the convenience store think that you’re Tommy Chong’s buddy every time you buy papers, you invest in a box of paper tubes into which you’ll pack that tobacco.  You use  a special tool to pack those babies, but it’s a cheap handheld device that won’t break the bank.  You’re still money ahead.  Plus, you get the filter back in your smoking life.  And the cigarettes come out better looking and more consistent.  It can take a while to get used to the packer and you’ll probably waste a few tubes until you get the hang of it, but this can be a good way to cut down on your cigarette bills.

Smoke shops.  That little smoke shop nestled between the pawn shop and the “how does that place stay open in this day and age” fabric store in that crummy strip mall might be able to save you some money.  These places can’t meet or beat the Indian reservation prices, but they often have specials that beat the local Quickie Mart.  They’re also frequently purveyors of cheap generics and off brands, which is another way of saving some money.

So, there you have it.  Three additional ways to cut your smoking costs if you’re not willing to do the smart thing.  After all, you really should be quitting and reducing your expenses to zero.

You’ll note that we didn’t mention a few of the ways some people try to get cigarettes on the cheap.  We intentionally left out the online purchase of tobacco and securing foreign-made cigarettes.  That was intentional.

I’m not an attorney or an expert in tax stamps.  However, I know that the feds and individual states are pretty strict about interstate tobacco sales and how the taxes, etc. need to work.  Many of these online dealers probably aren’t as careful as we’d like them to be.  There are also plenty of regs in place about tobacco importation and I’m not willing to trust some random Russian website to supply me with legal products at a wildly reduced rate.  In fact, I’m not really willing to trust that they’ll supply me with anything more than a big credit card bill.

Have you ever seen those heavily armed Bureau of Alchol, Tobacco and Firearms agents on TV?  These are not the guys I want on my front porch on a Sunday morning because I decided to score some cheap Bulgarian smokes via the Internet.  It’s just not worth the risk.

I’ll say it again, because it’s the right thing to do.  You can save more money and you can potentially save your life by quitting.  But if you’re not willing to do the right thing, do the second best thing and find a good way to keep your tobacco expenditures to a minimum.

Okay, let’s get the obligatory disclaimer out of the way…  You shouldn’t smoke.  Smoking is bad for you.  It will kill you.  From a personal finance standpoint, it’s a complete freaking disaster, as the pack-a-day smoker is literally burning between $1600 and $2000 annually.

Figure out what 20 years of smoking could net you at a reasonable interest rate.  You’ll see a number that will annoy you so much that you’ll want to take an immediate smoke break!

Now, let’s get down to how you can save money if you’re not willing to give up your deadly vice.

Smoking is expensive.  It’s a popular vice tax target, after all.  I personally think it’s strange that we tax the snot out of cigarettes to decrease consumption while we simultaneously pay government farm subsidies to keep tobacco farmers in operation, but that’s a different story…  The bottom line is that your habit is a black hole for money so it makes sense to shave down your smoking expenses.

Here are four tips to help you save some money on your smoky pleasures…  We’ll have another set of tips for cigarette bargain hunters tomorrow, too!

Reservations.  I know that most people don’t live within easy access of a U.S. Indian reservation.  Those who do, however, should make a pitstop at one of the smoke shops or convenience stores on reservation property.  Owning tribes exercise sovereignty over their reservation lands, which allows them to buy and sell tobacco without paying all of those nasty taxes.  That can result in substantial savings.  You might be able to carve off 10%-15% off of name brands and you could end up with access to locally-produced brands that will cost much, much less than your average pack of Marlboros.

Downgrading.  If you’re a name brand smoker, you can always try to save some green by downgrading to a bargain brand.  The “generics” and non-premium brands are often considerably cheaper than the more recognized products.  Back in the late 80s, I was known to light up a Montclair in place of a Marlboro when times were tight for that very reason.  Are the cheapies as good as the real deal?  No.  Sorry, I can’t lie to you.  You will notice the quality difference.  But money is money, so this is something to think about…

Coupons.  The big boys don’t sell their wares cheap, but they are willing to help out a regular customer with some decent coupons.  Look around and take advantage of coupon offers.  You might want to start by hitting the website for your favorite brand.  Often, you can sign up for coupons right there.  When you get the, you’ll be pleasantly surprised.  I’ve seen two for one offers and other great deals.  Sometimes, you’ll start getting other “free gifts” from the company.  My handy Marlboro Zippo is in my barbecue tool case as you read this.

Deals.  The next time you visit your local Quickie Mart to pick up a pack of smokes, ask what kind of deals they have going on.  You’d be surprised at the non-advertised offers out there.  Many premium brands will do two for one (or three for two) promotions.  In a worst-case scenario, there’s usually a two pack special.  Obviously, this works a lot better if you’re willing to switch brands to save a few bucks.

All right, there are three good ways to keep those costs down.  There are other ways, however.  We’ll run through a few of those tomorrow.  In the meantime, “light ‘em if you got ‘em”–but only if you just can’t be convinced to sidestep that early grave by giving them up!

Fidelity Investments surveyed over 1,000 millionaires to see how those perched toward the top of the economic ladder are feeling these days.  Nearly half of them said they didn’t feel wealthy.

It’s true, the millionaire crowd has taken a massive whipping in the marketplace.  The stock market nosedive and all of the associated bad economic news has taken a toll on their investment holdings.  It’s never fun to lose money, even when you have some of it.  It’s probably more than a little frustrating to see your portfolio shrink faster than a 400-pounder on The Biggest Loser.

And while some of the dissatisfaction expressed by 46% of the millionaires may have been an attempt not to rub others’ noses in their cash heaps when times are tough, the resounding message coming out of the Fidelity survey could be expressed like this:  46% of millionaires have absolutely no sense of perspective.

Unemployment is around 9%.  Although we’ve slowed the slide toward economic armeggedon and will undoubtedly survive this downturn, things aren’t going to get better tomorrow.  Life is tough out there for many, many people.  It was tough before the downturn for many, many others, too.  While the millionaires are bummed about losing money, they should try to remember that they were fairly lucky to have some money to lose in the first place.

People have lost their homes.  There are over 100,000 people in chronic homeless nationwide–and that’s just “chronic” status, who knows how many people are temporarily in trouble right now?

While millionaires lament the status of their portfolio and the drop in their home’s value over a slightly smaller cut of Kobe beef, someone out there is sucking ketchup packages in the rain.  While the millionaires don’t “feel” wealthy, some kid is not feeling well because of malnutrition.  Who do you think is better-positioned to come out of this downturn in good shape?  I’m thinking the millionaires are.

Forgive me if I don’t weep a crocodile tear for the dissatisfied millionaires of America.

Don’t get me wrong. This isn’t some kind of crazed “eat the rich” populist rant.  I don’t dislike the rich because they have things.  I understand the role those with greater wealth play in the well-being of the overall economy.  I know that they’re people, too, and I want them to be happy.

HOWEVER…  Anyone who can look out over the economic landscape right now with a net worth in the millions and feel anything less than wealthy just doesn’t get it.  Hey, 46%ers, it’s time to recalibrate your perspective!  Maybe you shouldn’t “feel rich”.  Perhaps, instead, you should feel “wildly rich and much, much better off than so many other people that I thank my lucky stars fifty times per day”.

According to Fidelity’s survey:

Asked what made them feel wealthy, most said to “live within means with little or no debt and with spending under control.”

Here’s a solution, based on that response, for the sad millionaires among us.  Spend less and adjust your idea of what “living within means” really means.  That’s what everyone else has been doing for the last year or two.  Welcome to the party.

Let’s get things moving.  A better economy.  Let’s eradicate poverty to the extent possible.  If we can do that in a way that allows millionaires a little more breathing room, so be it.  I’m not just on the side of the poor.  I’m on everyone’s side–even the Thurston Howells of the world.

In the meantime, if you’re toting a net worth of a million dollars or more, develop some perspective.  You might not feel wealthy but you are.  If you’re not sure, ask someone who’s gone from a working class home to a homeless shelter.  Ask a few of the half million people who lost their jobs last month how you’re doing.  I’m sure they’ll let you know.

The Major League Baseball season is in full swing.  Even though the negative press swirling around A-Rod and the fact that “Manny being Manny” seems to mean “Manny taking stuff that would allow a donkey to win the Preakness” has been a downer, there’s a lot of good stuff happening out there.  Zack Greinke and the Royals (yes, THOSE Royals) are in first place, the Rangers look better than they have since John Wetteland was closing out games with his mega-sweaty ballcap and it’s hard for many of us not to enjoy all of those Yankees fans calling for Joe Girardi’s head.

It’s a great time to head out to the stadium to watch the boys of summer do their thing.  Unfortunately, many people who would have a blast at the old ballyard are staying home because of the costs involved.  Attending a little slice of the nation’s pastime can be an exercise in excessive spending.  Tickets aren’t cheap, you could fill in every pothole on Main Street for what it costs to park and concessions nearly require a second mortgage.

Luckily, there are ways to root, root, root for the home team on the cheap.  Here are a few pointers that might just convince the penny-pinchers of the world to get out there to boo the ump.

Sit in the cheap seats. Although tickets are getting expensive, most of the big league teams have one or more cheap ticket options.  You don’t have to drop $80+ for a lower level “look I’m on TV” seat.  You can watch the game from outfield bleachers or cheap uppers for a fraction of that price.  Colorado Rockies tickets start at $9 per person.  You can catch the Oakland A’s for as little as $9.  Even the Yankees have an option for less than $15.  You may have a hard time snagging the cheap seats for popular games–those sell out fast–but if you aren’t too picky, you can get in on the cheap.

Look for special deals. The recession is taking a bat to the ballclubs, too.  Thus, they’re willing to deal.  Almost every franchise has specials.  You can get four tickets with concession vouchers on the cheap.  There’s one night of the week with special low-price tickets.  There’s a special day where they have a better than usual deal.  Visit your local team’s website to find out what kind of deals are going on with your home team.  Also, look for special prices for those who purchase tickets online.

Tailgate. If you eat out in the parking lot, you can pay Costco prices instead of concession prices.  Bright your mini-Weber and grill up some hot dogs.  If you’re a beer drinker, a six-pack from the local liquore store will probably cost less than a single beverage in the stadium, so take care of your imbibement needs prior to entry.  You get the idea.  Bring your own and eat in lot.  It’s fun, too.

Take a bus. Most teams have some kind of shuttle to and from the stadium and it’s often much cheaper than paying for parking and gas.  It might not be compatible with tailgating, but it can be really convenient.

Bring your own. Most stadiums are okay with fans bringing in their own plastic bottle of water and I’ve never seen a woman with a bag of sunflower seeds or a few sandwiches in Ziplock bags booted out of the stadium.  Check your local stadium’s rules to avoid inconvenience, of course, but you should be able to save some bucks by bringing a few of your own goodies.

You hear these horror stories about how it costs $300 to take the family to a ballgame.  It’s possible to do that.  If you’re buying $10 drinks and $8 hot dogs for everyone, it adds up.  With a little planning though, big league ball can be affordable.

As much as I’d like to take an income tax sabbatical, I fork over my fair share of cash to Uncle Sam every April.  You probably do likewise.  It’s not a fun annual event, but someone once said that “Taxes are the price of civilization” and I guess I buy into that to some extent.  I’m not willing to call paying more a patriotic act, but I’m not against paying my fair share.

That being said, my fair share is actually much less than I actually pay.  That’s because a lot of folk swho should be paying out the nose are using whatever sneaky means they can dream up to avoid paying their portion of civilizations’ price tag.

I’m not talking about the folks who design theri financial lives to keep taxes low.  Those folks are playing by the rules.  They’re putting forth an effort to stay on the law’s good side even if those efforts tend to involve reducing their tax burdens.  Their existence is justification for an improved tax code as much as it is anything else.

The folks with whom I have a problem are the ones who are cheating their way of out of paying.  Tax cheats screw everyone out of money.

The IRS, as you’d probablly guess, has an issue with those same scofflaws.  They want their coffers full of tax doug.

In order to create that great hypothetical world where everyone pays what they own, happily, the government must find a way to nail all of those cheaters to the wall.  As we all know, that’s not a very likely scenario.  That’s why our buddies at the Internal Revenue Service came up with their Whistleblower Office.

Basically, the government is paying bounties for information material to proving that someon failed to pay their taxes appropriately.  It’s a paid informer program.  It gives us all a chance to become IRS snitches.  If you turn over the goods on someone who’s not paying his or her legal share, you can get a reward.

If you’re the kind of person that feels okay with reporting Tax Code violations and being a paid government tattletale, don’t get too excited too quickly.  Primarily, the feds are trying to catch the big players.  They don’t seem as interested in expending resources to nail your mother-in-law for fudging a few numbers in gray areas.  They have more interest in outfits who are prepared to report on major companies, like the outfit that “found” a $2B tax cheat.

If you can come up with a violation worth $2M or more, you’re going to qualify for 15% to 30% of what the government recovers in taxes.  That’s a healthy sum.  However, if you’re information is on a small-time cheat, rewards are at the discretion of the government.

And speaking of discretion…  Prosecutorial discretion is alive and well in the Whistleblower Office.  These guys are inundated with reports that so-and-so didn’t report this-and-that.  They actually go after only a relatively small percentage of the tips provided.

So, think twice before you decide to become a tax bounty hunter.  Unless you can get a big fish on the line, it probably isn’t going to be the most lucrative endeavor to pursue.  On the bright side, you can stay anonymous unless Uncle Sam needs you to testify in order to prove their case.

As you can probably guess, I don’t necessarily love this little government foray into turning private citizens into rats.  I’m all in favor of decreasing tax fraud, but I’m not sure that encouraging people to snitch for the sake of some reward money is the best way to go about it.

Instead, we might want to consider coming up with a better tax system.  Or paying for more/better IRS employees in the right areas.  In the meantime, we have the Whistleblower Office.

The gold rush is on!  This time, though, no one is digging the stuff out of mountain mines or panning for it in streams.  The 2009 gold rush consists of people digging through jewelry boxes and knick-knack drawers searching for spare gold items that are gathering dust.

With the economy in its current lousy state, the price of gold has hopped considerably.  While some investors are interested in stockpiling the stuff, regular Joes and Janes with scrap gold in their homes are looking for ways to transform their unused “junk” into some much-needed cash.

If you can bear an hour or two in front of the tube during the afternoon, you’ll find yourself bombarded by companies who are willing, ready and able to make you a cash offer for your gold.  You send it in, the send you a check.  If you don’t like the offer, you send it back.  They then return your gold.  This previously little-known enterprise is now a TV advertising special.

Those “cash for gold” places may not be the best place to peddle your wares, though.  They’re notorious for making questionable offers and people have had problems with getting items back when they get a low-ball check in the mail.

So, if you don’t move your gold via one of those companies, what’s the best route to follow?

There’s no easy answer to that one.  If you’re looking to figure out how to sell your gold the right way, it’s probably going to involve shopping your items around for the best possible offer.  You have multiple options.  Some jewelers might be interested in the nicer stuff (or even the scrap in some cases).  Pawn shops will occasionally surprise you with a good offer.  There are folks who specialize in gold buying, too.

The quality of offers isn’t consistent across any one type of establishment, though.  That’s why you should prepare to make a few phone calls to find out what kind of deal you might get.

The trick to making this work, however,  is having a little understanding of what you’re selling and how much its probably worth.  Although the design and age of piece of jewelry can influence value, we’ll be discussing the gold itself in this post.  If you have a collectible or something that’s just drop-dead gorgeous, it’s a whole different story.

First, figure out what kind of gold you have.  Is it 24k, 14k, 10k or what?  That matters.  The karat description gives you an idea of just how pure the gold is.  You can think of it this way…  24k gold is pretty close to pure.  24 out of 24 parts are the real deal.  18k, on the other hand, consists of 18k of gold and 6 of other alloys.  It works that way right down the line.

Second, figure out how much of it you have.  Gold is generally measured in pennyweight or troy ounces.  Get access to a jeweler’s scale and find out what the weight of your available gold is.  You can even use a kitchen scale, but you’ll need to convert the weight into one of those two units of measurement.

Third, find out the current market value of gold.  You can get that number from the daily paper.

Now, you put it all together the weight of your gold, multiplied by its purity percentage multiplied by the current value per unit will render a “market value” for the actual gold in your jewelry.

Remember, however, that whoever buys it is going to need to melt it down.  They have overhead expenses, too.  Thus, you can’t expect to receive 100% of your calculation.  At least one reputable source says you should shoot for about 85% of your calculation.

Now, start collecting offers.  Call people and tell them exactly what you have.  Give them the karat number and the weight.  Now you’ll recognize it if someone is trying to take advantage of you.  It will also give you a base pooint for negotiating prices.

Do your research and find the buyer willing to offer the best deal.  Then, if it makes more sense for you to sell than it does to keep your gold, make the transaction.  If you can’t get a good number, you might want to sit on your gold for awhile.  In a worst case scenario, you can send your stuff in to one of those TV companies.  You might not get much, but you’ll probably get something.

This post is about Stouffer’s Dinner Club.  It’s a reward program that allows people to accumulate points that they can then cash in for various goodies.

But before we start getting into the details of this little kickback for frozen food fanatics, I gotta get one thing off my chest.

Who actually eats enough of this stuff to ever generate enough points to get anything?  Seriously, who eats any of these ice blocks containing mis-flavored food-like substances more than once?

A few weeks ago, we were in need of a few easy meals due to a particularly hectic week at Casa de Lampsen.  While wandering the aisles of my local supermarket in search of something a half-trained chimp could make with a single turn of an oven dial, I spotted these Stouffer’s frozen lasagnas.  I vaguely remembered some former friend, co-worker or random mental patient vouching for the yumminess of these things, so I bought one.

Two days later, I decided not to trust my sense of smell.  Despite the vaguely sick scent through the entire home, I decided to take a bite of the once-frozen lasagna.  The seasoning was on par with what you’d expect in an old age home.  The noodles were too soft and very mealy.  The sauce tasted suspiciously like low-grade tomato soup.  The cheese was flavorless and the “meat” was hard to find and equally hard to taste.

We bought a big frozen brick of something, but it sure didn’t taste like a decent lasagna.

Sorry to wander off the point, but I didn’t want anyone to get too enthused about Stouffer’s reward program without first understanding what they might actually end up buying.  If I had the choice, I’d rather stuff my face with a little Soylent Green before subjecting myself to the horrors of frozen dining again.

But if I had liked it, I could’ve scored a little credit with Stouffer’s.  I could have ripped open the box to find a little code and a point total for my purchase.  I could’ve taken that code, went to the Stouffer’s Dinner Club website, logged into my account and typed in the code.  The good purveyors of icy sustenance would then credit my account with a few points in exchange for my lousy meal.  If I did that over and over again, I could eventually earn enough points to get something neat from their catalog.

Like what?

Well, like coupons to save a whopping $1 if I decided to buy three more Stouffer’s products.  How’s that for starters?  I know, not so impressive.  There are other options.  You can buy a magazine subscription or a DVD.  You can snag a reusable shopping bag or movie tickets.  To their credit, the Stouffer’s people will also let you donate your points to charity.

The exchange rate between dollars spent on frozen chow and your points isn’t that great, but it’s not like Stouffer’s is jacking up their prices on frozen stuffed peppers that much to make this happen, so I can’t really fault them for that.  It is what it is.  If you eat a lot of this stuff and are willing to rip open boxes, copy codes, do data entry, etc. you can get some freebies out of the whole deal.

Me?  I’ll pass.  I don’t need the stuff they’re giving away all that much.  Even if I did, I would prefer to skip supper and save the money to buy it before I’d willingly dine on another frozen lasagna.

Apparently, though, Stouffer’s has a fan club.  Some people like the stuff.  And for them, this might be a great opportunity to get a little lagniappe in exchange for their loyalty.

My idea of a perfect summer day starts in an air-conditioned Atlantic City hotel room.  It includes outrageously oversized meals, a tiny morning gambling foray, an afternoon on the beach (with plenty of adult beverages), another gambling stop, a great supper, a show and more gaming.  The kids?  Hmmmm…  I think a week-long trip to the grandparents may be in order!

Of course, the David R. Lampsen Summer Activity Plan can be used in classrooms as a model of bad decisionmaking and is nothing short of self-destructive on multiple levels.  As such, I generally reign in my less-than-brilliant instincts in favor of something a little healthier, a wee bit less socially irresponsible and a whole lot cheaper.

Luckily, I don’t suffer much in the compromise.  There are many great ways to enjoy a cheap summer.  Here are some of my favorites…  All of them will keep you cool.  They’re all cheap.  And they’re all family friendly.

Pool play. If you don’t have your own pool (or for renters, one in your complex), go to a municipal swimming pool.  It’s good exercise, the kids will have a blast, it will bring back a slew of childhood memories and the price of admission is often manageable by using the change in your car’s console.  Special bonus:  You now qualify for “adult swim”.  Watch the children sneer as you luxuriate in the chlorinated goodness while they’re forced to watch from the sidelines.

Musing at the museum. It’s educational.  It’s entertaining.  Most museums are now rigged to keep kids at least mildly engaged and active, too.  Unless you’re going to a big ol’ famous museum, it usually doesn’t cost much to get in, making it an affordable way to enjoy a few hours away from home.  There’s another advantage.  Air conditioning.  I don’t know what the deal is, but I think there might be a rule that says museums must be cold enough to serve as emergency meat lockers.  Do the culturally refined thing while avoiding the piercing rays of the summer sun.

Matinee madness. The price of movies is escalating while their overall quality is in decline.  Nonetheless, a matinee can be a pleasant family diversion.  Prices are usually a fraction of the night-time rates and it’s usually fairly easy to find something everyone can tolerate during the summer movie flood.  Once again, you’re ducking the heat, too.  Movie theaters are always nice and cool.  Now, I’m not telling you to break any rules by sneaking in your own drinks, popcorns or candy.  This is, however, a blog focused on personal finance.  You don’t want to pay those concession prices.  “Act accordingly,” he said with a wink.

Balloon battle. You can buy a big bag of empty balloons for around a buck.  I’ve never been in a dollar store that didn’t have those cheap balloons available.  Water from your outside spigot is cheap, too.  Fill balloons with water.  Divvy up balloons among all present.  Retreat to respective corners of the lawn.  One, two, three four…  I declare a water balloon war!  The kids get a chance to soak ma and pa.  The water keeps everyone from feeling as if their flesh has been converted to hot candle wax.  It’s a winner!

I know it’s not officially summer yet, but the mercury is beginning to sneak upwards and those days when the pavement feels like lava and opening the front door is like opening a broiler will soon be upon us.  Prepare for them by having a handy set of cheap summer activities you can crutch on to keep everyone cool and happy.